The Baby Bean Blog

Thursday, October 27, 2005

So, Seriously, She's Pregnant

Now her period is officially late, and a home pregnant test this morning came up with a line that is suitably dark enough to reassure my partner. We had assumed that we would go in tomorrow morning for a blood test, but we can't get a good time for it. Tomorrow is pretty booked up already. In the morning we have a court date for Ella's adoption by my partner! It feels very special to be legally solidifying our family unit at the same time that we are expecting to add to our family. Then tomorrow afternoon, I have to take Chester to the place he stays when we go out of town. Then early tomorrow evening, my partner's cousin and her boyfriend are arriving from Chicago and we're all going to a party that night. Saturday, we're off to Minnesota to introduce Ella to my partner's family. We'll be back Tuesday afternoon. So she won't be doing the blood test until Wednesday morning.

So much is going on right now. Honestly, I'm still dazed and confused about this pregnancy. I feel a bit like Mariah Carey when she was interviewed about her second album and she said that it felt like a continuation of her first because she finished the first album and went directly to working on the second album without a break. (Don't judge me for liking Mariah back then. Those albums were pure pop, baby. PURE POP.) And I feel exactly the same way. Didn't we just end the pregnancy thing? And now we're right back on that pony? And it also feels like Ella basically never has been nor ever will be an only child. The next one is already there, percolating.

A big difference between this pregnancy and the first one is my view of the future. Don't get me wrong. I am so excited about this, and I can't wait to meet this baby and fall in love with him or her. But at the same time, I look forward to that day very differently than I did to the day that Ella would be born. Honestly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I was pregnant. I don't know if any first time parent does, especially if they are like me and had practically no experience with children beforehand. So my thoughts about her arrival were pure excitement. The reality of taking care of a baby is that she basically consumes all of the hours of the day. When she cries, I jump to her aid. I focus all my attention on her, and I follow her lead completely. How will I be able to give the same kind of devotion to our second child? I'll have a 10 month old to chase around the house and feed and love and play with. How will it be possible for me to jump to our second child's every cry--or to Ella's every need--while caring for both? I can't help but think, and fear, that both of the children will be somehow slighted by the attention given to the other.

At the same time, I know that can't be possible. Most people have more than one child, and they figure out how to love all of their children completely, no matter how many children there are. I've read the online posts of many women who are expecting their second child express the same concerns that I just have, and the mothers with more than one always write back and say something along the lines of, "Love is not finite. The more children you have, the more love you will have for your children." I hope that's true. Well, I know that will be true. How I will manage the practicalities of providing the physical displays of love that children need is still pretty foggy in my brain, however.

3 Comments:

  • Wow - many congratulations, Oz! By the time your next baby is here, you'll be a pro.

    By Blogger Diva, at 8:43 PM, October 30, 2005  

  • Congratulations to you, both of you, all of you... ~:^) This was an easy start...hope the trend continues.

    Don't worry about rest...stretching to provide the care and the love, etc. It's amazing how you grow into it and with it. I guess every mother worries about that but somehow the accomodation gets made and it works out just fine. ~:^)

    By Blogger foxymama, at 12:26 AM, November 01, 2005  

  • Diva, Thanks! I don't know about us being pros or not. Ella seems to be having a mini-breakdown tonight. But we're getting through it...barely.

    Foxy, The pregnancy has been easy so far. I sincerely hope that my partner does not get horrible morning sickness. One of her sisters did and the other didn't. Anyway, it's been great that she's been feeling okay because that means she can still help out when she gets home at night! As for having enough of me to go around to two, I sure hope you're right. As you said, it seems like most parents have this struggle. And also as you said, it seems like it works out in the end.

    By Blogger Oz, at 9:06 PM, November 02, 2005  

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