The Baby Bean Blog

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Two Month Letter

First, I must give credit where credit is due. I am completely ripping off Heather B. Armstrong's Monthly Newsletters to her daugher, Leta. But imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I hope she will not mind.

Secondly, the word "Ima" is the Hebrew word for "mother" and is the word that we have chosen for our children to call my partner. I will be Mommy (and eventually Mom). So when I refer to "Ima," you'll know who I'm talking about.

Dear Ella,

When you were just a couple of weeks old, your Grandma Kay flew from Kansas City to Philadelphia so that she could meet you. She and I were talking one day, and I must have said something about how you had changed—already!—from what you had been just a week or so before. Then she said to me, “The thing about children is they keep disappearing.” It took me a second to understand what she meant, but ever since, I can’t get that sentence out of my mind.

When I met you on August 16, 2005, I loved you. I didn’t know you, but I loved you and I wanted to protect you and hold you and make everything okay for you. But it was a couple of days before I fell in love with you. You have to know someone to be in love with them, and everything I learned about you made me fall more and more in love with you. I could feel my heart melt every time after you finished eating and you would fall back, completely limp, looking like you were thinking, “Wow, what a meal! I’m going to sleep this one off!” And when you slept, I just stared and stared at you. Honestly, I was afraid to sleep myself. I wanted to make sure that you were still breathing, so I stayed awake just about all night, every night, watching you breathe…and loving you more and more with each second that went by.

But that little baby, she disappeared, and rather quickly. Maybe more quickly than I was ready for, because I loved her dearly. A new baby appeared in her place, and although I missed the you that existed for that first week or two, I found that I had fallen seamlessly in love with who you had become. The new baby was a bit more cantankerous—I’m not going to lie to you about that. You wanted more than to eat and to sleep. You wanted to be carried and walked—a lot. Jiggling is what you craved, and Ima was the one to do most of it because I wasn’t able to at the time. Even though you were quite the dictator, I loved it the opportunity to bend to your will.

And all of it more than paid off when on September 21, 2005 (six weeks and three days old), you smiled at me—really smiled. At me! I was in the kitchen when you woke up in the living room and started crying. I had to dry my hands or something that kept me from getting to you for about 30 seconds. I got there as quickly as I could and I bent down over you and started to talk to you, and you smiled as if to say, “Great! You’re here!” I fell hard for you then. I scooped you up in my arms and kissed you and kissed you all over.

Since then, you have gotten more and more alert. And you can hold your head up when we carry you. You look all around and you seem like such a grown up baby to me. Yet again, the baby I knew had disappeared to be replaced by another, and wow, do I love the new you. You look at me all the time, and every day I get smiles from you. I particularly like it when you smile really big and make your tongue pointy and stick it out just a little bit. You are so adorable!

You seem so interested in the world around you now. You want new experiences. New things to look at. You want to be a baby on the move, so Ima and I try to keep you on the move as much as we can. And on October 9, 2005 (seven weeks and five days old) you made a discovery that still brings you delight: your hands! You can bring them up to your mouth and try to suck on them, and do you ever love that. It is as if you are welcoming back an old friend. We have ultrasound proof that you sucked your thumb in the womb. And here are those hands and fingers and thumbs again. You seem to be asking, “Where have you been? I’ve missed you!” Unfortunately, although you can manage to bring your hands up to your mouth, they refuse to stay in place and you are often left gulping at the air. Cruel, cruel world! Sometimes Ima or I try to keep them in place for you, but you often reject that. It’s just not the same.

I’m enjoying the current you as much as I can right now, because I know that she is sure to leave me sooner rather than later. I am ready to fall in love all over again.

Love,
Mommy

4 Comments:

  • Good call on the monthly newsletters. The first time I read one of Heather's updates on Leta I decided I'd be doing the same for my kids one day.

    By Anonymous Fyse, at 6:41 PM, October 19, 2005  

  • Hey nice info you posted.
    I just browsing through some blogs and came across yours!

    Excellent blog, good to see someone actually uses em for quality posts.

    Your site kept me on for a few minutes unlike the rest :)

    Keep up the good work!

    Thanks!.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:26 PM, October 19, 2005  

  • Ella is a very, very lucky little girl! This is the way it should be. It saddens me to think that some aren't. I know those feelings you speak of and you know what? Thirty and more later the love is still there... ~:^)

    By Blogger foxymama, at 11:20 PM, October 20, 2005  

  • Fyse, Thanks. Hopefully you'll still have a blog when you have kids, and I can read your letters to him/her.

    Anonymous, Thanks for dropping by and the compliments. :)

    Foxy, I am also saddened when I think about children who are not loved. It really breaks my heart. There are some television shows I can't watch anymore because of that. And Ella at 30 years old. Wow. I can't even imagine her at a year old, crawling or walking, picking things up, licking the cats (like our friends' son does)...

    By Blogger Oz, at 1:37 PM, October 21, 2005  

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